Albert Einstein once said, “The only source of knowledge is experience.” And while he likely meant that you only gain knowledge from what you live, you could also surmise that you can glean wisdom from others’ experiences, too.
Though your child preparing to leave the proverbial nest is new to you, it’s not new to others. As you fumble through what to teach them and how best to equip them for their sudden independence, you can guide them through the expertise of those who have gone before all of you.
Encourage Independence While Providing Support
Sending your child to college without any sense of autonomy and independence will likely result in a crash and burn scenario. As you are all preparing for the transition from high school to college, it’s time to practice a gradual release. While they’re still under your roof and in your care, you can give them the space they need to learn valuable life skills, like self-advocacy, confidence, and how best to plan for their future.
Teach Self-Advocacy
As parents, it can be easy to send an email or schedule an in-person meeting with a teacher or administrator on behalf of your teenager, but they need to begin this as early as middle school.
When an issue comes up with a teacher, coach, counselor, or administrator, your child needs to handle it themselves. While they should keep you in the loop, they must learn how to advocate for themselves, resolve conflict, and participate in adult conversations before they head to college.
A parent contributor on
Grown and Flown poses these questions for her children:
• What could make that better?
• Is it worth it? (i.e. the change they would like to see)
• How can you say that in the best possible way?
• Do you need some backup?
These questions help teenagers think critically about what they need, if it’s worth pursuing, and how to ask. They also show that while they’re handling the issue on their own, they have
parental support if they need it.
Be Their Guide Without Overstepping
As a parent, it’s likely your desire to be their sounding board for the rest of your life. Encourage the practice of coming to you for advice by handling it well now.
Consider that it’s simply your job to listen and then advise if they ask for it or need it. If your opinion on what they should do differs from what they choose, but there are no difficult or hard consequences, let them make their decision.
Parentology World encourages parents to say the following statements to foster discussions that allow your teen to lead you through what they’re thinking:
• “I’m curious about…” – which opens the door for them to share about their life and what’s important to them right now.
• “I trust your judgment, and I’m here if you need help,” which gives them confidence in their own decision-making skills but also highlights that you’re happy to be their safety net.
• “I’m listening. No judgment, just here to understand,” which makes them feel safe, heard, and valued.
Being their guide during this time also entails allowing them to make mistakes – or make choices that differ from what you would personally do.
Start Conversations About the Future
During their high school years, your child will be bombarded with messaging about
post-high school graduation plans. They will hear it from you, teachers, counselors, coaches, peers, etc. As you can imagine, it can feel overwhelming.
Many questions are geared toward asking students what they want to be when they graduate. But
Weil College Advising points out that it might be more helpful to ask them what they want to do. They also suggest expanding your questioning beyond the career, asking more questions about what they want life to look like in general:
• What do you want to DO when you grow up?
• Which subjects at school excite you?
• How important do you think a career is after you finish school?
• Are there any jobs that sound interesting to you? What’s appealing about them?
• What do you imagine your life being like in 10 years?
While going to college after high school has been the norm for decades, there are multiple options your child can explore. In fact, you should walk through those options together. In addition to pursuing a college education, high school graduates can go to trade school, take a gap year, join the military, or begin an apprenticeship.
The best way to determine what they should do after high school is to give them some hands-on, real-world experience. They can explore jobs and interests through
internships, job shadowing, volunteer work, and summer programs. Their school counselor can guide them to local opportunities.
Make the Most of Junior Year Milestones
As a parent of a junior, you likely feel that time is slipping through your fingers all too quickly. Try not to focus on the time you’re losing but rather the time you have right now. Make the most of it.
Prioritize Quality Time Together
As the parent of a teenager, you understand how busy their schedule can be throughout the year. It may sound callous, but you may have to schedule intentional time with your child.
This could be as simple as a weekly coffee date for 45 minutes. Also, set aside time once a quarter to do something more meaningful, like learning a new skill together or doing something they love. While carving out time can seem rigid, it’s necessary with both of your busy schedules. Plus, it tells your child that they matter, and spending time with them is important to you.
Finally, aim to take a trip together between now and
high school graduation. Once they graduate, they’ll be on a completely different schedule from yours and/or the rest of the family. Taking time to unplug and focus on your family will reinstate their worth and value within your family unit. Plus, you’ll make unforgettable memories.
Capture the Memories
You don’t have to be a scrapbook extraordinaire to document and preserve junior year memories. All you need is a cell phone and a photo book website, like
Shutterfly or
Chatbooks. Take all the photos and put them into something tangible for your child to look back on and reflect.
Take time to celebrate their achievements and cheer them on as they grow academically and personally. While it can be easy to mourn that they may be leaving the nest soon, it’s also a time to show your enthusiasm for where they are now and where they’ll be in a few years.
Prepare for the Emotional Rollercoaster of Junior Year
Junior year can be stressful, and you may feel the brunt of it. As your child regulates their emotions and stress all day, don’t be surprised when it spills over into family time, study time, or bedtime. Instead, empathize with them and validate their feelings. Remind them that this time in their life can feel stressful and that a hard day or week does not mean this season of life is bad.
At the same time, you need to set boundaries. Their feelings, especially those that are difficult, can’t always dominate your home environment. Instead, teach them ways to manage their stress. Here are some tips from the
American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry (AACAP):
• Exercise, eat well, and get enough sleep.
• Avoid excess caffeine, drugs, and alcohol.
• Learn relaxation exercises, like deep breathing and meditation.
• Teach practical coping skills, like breaking large tasks into smaller ones.
• Decrease negative self-talk.
• Take breaks – go for a walk, listen to music, or cuddle with a pet.
• Learn that being competent or “good enough” is better than always demanding perfection.
Keep Up with College Prep
Junior year is pivotal to the
college search process. While your child will apply during their senior year, most of the work is done during junior year, especially if you want their senior year to be as stress-free as possible.
Start the College Search Early
During the junior year, you’ll want to
visit college campuses in person or explore those that are too far away through virtual tours online. By visiting during junior year, your teen will feel free to explore, rather than pressured to feel like they need to be decisive about each school.
Use this year to create a list of schools your child likes based on academics, campus culture, and financial fit. Assessing the schools during the junior year will help your child get a clear idea of what’s important to them and how each school will meet those needs.
Prepare for Standardized Tests
Junior year is the ideal time to
take the SAT or ACT. Your child should take their standardized test of choice during the first semester to see how they score. Research shows that test scores improve each time, so you want to leave enough time before college deadlines the following fall to test multiple times if need be.
Additionally, you should research whether the schools they’re interested in are test optional. Some schools no longer require test scores, and if that’s the case with the school they’re interested in, they can avoid the SAT or ACT altogether. This could also be the route chosen if your child is a bad test-taker; consider test optional schools only.
Be Aware of Important Deadlines
It may seem too soon to list deadlines a year in advance, but with so many to keep track of, it will give you guideposts through the college search and decision-making process. Make sure to log financial aid and scholarship deadlines in addition to college deadlines. With a junior year calendar that you can both access, nothing will sneak up on you.
While this is one of those tasks that you can delegate to your child, giving them gradual responsibility and confidence, it’s one you should also track. This is where you can emphasize the importance of communication, staying organized, and working together as a team.
Foster Responsibility and Teach Life Skills
During the junior year, your child will learn multiple great life lessons, but it should also be a time when they develop real- world skills and take on more responsibilities.
Develop Real World Skills
When your child is in college, you will still be supporting them from a distance. This could look like emotional and mental encouragement, paying for college and other expenses, and/or reminders about what they should and shouldn’t be doing.
With that, you should prepare them now for what lies ahead. Introduce basic budgeting concepts, talk about time management, and let them begin to solve their own problems.
Encourage them to schedule their own doctor’s appointments. Tell them to set a realistic budget and stick to it. Delegate responsibilities that they can handle as well as those that may stretch them a little.
It may also be helpful to
teach them how to do laundryif you haven’t done so already.
Help Balance Academics with Other Responsibilities
One real-world skill that will help them go far in college and beyond is
learning to balance their school life (soon-to-be work life) with their other responsibilities. This is an opportunity for you to coach them on what does and doesn’t work. Start by asking them questions:
• What do you think is going well right now?
• Where do you find yourself struggling?
• Is there something that’s taking up more time than it should?
This is also a great time to watch for burnout. Sometimes, we can’t always tell when it’s happening to us. Help your child identify it in themselves and show them how to manage their responsibilities while continuing to prioritize caring for themselves.
Support Your Students’ Growth While Preparing for Senior Year
Much of your child’s confidence will come from how they’re treated by the adults in their life, especially you. By giving them ownership over the college search process, and remaining engaged and present, they will feel the support and stability they need to be sure of their decisions.
Encourage Them to Take Ownership of the Process
Encourage your child to research colleges,
scholarship opportunities, and career paths on their own. While you can act as a sounding board, these decisions ultimately belong to them. Also, forcing your agenda, or even doing the work for them, will teach them nothing in the long run and could potentially lead to rebellion.
Be Emotionally Present
The best way you can support your child during these last few years of high school is to become a great listener, steady supporter, and enthusiastic cheerleader. Remind them that you will always be there for them, whatever their decisions or mistakes.
Senior year will come fast, and they’ll be better poised to navigate the college application process if they feel they have your encouragement, love, and support. Remember, this process isn’t about you and what you want for your child; it’s about what they want for their own life.
Set the Stage for a Strong Senior Year
Juniors in high school need to know that this year is critical to their success during their senior year. By fostering skills like self-advocacy, decision-making, and problem-solving, they will be better equipped to apply to colleges and make decisions that will ultimately bring them joy and fulfillment.
Junior year sets the foundation for the future. By encouraging independence, staying involved in their journey, and preparing together, you’ll help your teen navigate this pivotal year with confidence.
